Tuesday, July 26, 2011

{How does a chameleon change her spots?}

Chameleon syndrome.  That's what I've had.  Self-diagnosed but I'm right.

I always wanted to be YOU!  Whoever you are, I always saw your strengths and thought . . . "She's the perfect girl.  If I could just be like her."

If I've never met you, I would have done the same thing to you on acquaintance!  {I really hope we meet someday.}

The sweet & shy personality, the bold & out-going gal, bubbly, confident, feminine, crafty, sporty, or glitzy - I saw the positive in all.  If I was around a brainiac, I would try to mimic her and leave hoping I could continue to pull it off.

I never could.  That's not what chameleons do.  They soon see someone else and begin the color-change process all over.  That's what I would do.

So, how does a chameleon change her spots?  {I know the "leopard-can't-change-their-spots" thing but this is working for me!}

Chameleon's change their spots by deciding to!  That wasn't even rocket science.

I've done a lot of thinking and praying and that was my earth-shattering answer.  Rather brilliant.

So, Step 1 in my journey is to change what I decide.  I just decided to stop.  Stop being a chameleon.  For some reason, just deciding has already made a difference.

Today was different.  I didn't worry about me.  I wasn't feeling well yesterday or even when I woke up but thank goodness for the old adage, "Fake it till you make it."

Today I was happy being the me that likes to wear dresses - even if I'm staying at home.  High heels are a staple.  I even wore the red lipstick.  I didn't worry what people thought when I had to take my Landon to the orthodontist office.  I didn't even wonder if I should've worn a lipstick color like someone else.  

I only own one MAC lipstick.  Ruby Woo.  If I'm gonna own red lipstick, I should love it.

"To become a butterfly, you must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar."

Butterflies have always been my favorite . . . maybe that's why I'm finally ready to fly.  I want it that much.  Good-bye, caterpillar.  Good bye, chameleon.  Hello, me.

I've been overwhelmed as I realized the wonderful friends I have.  Thank you for your kind words.  Thank you for loving me until I can truly love myself.  It's coming.  I can feel it!


Melanie said...

This has been on my mind a lot the last few months. See blog post: http://vidorwrights.blogspot.com/2011/03/be-melanie.html. And also this lovely quote, "I've always liked the time before dawn because there's no one around to remind me who I'm supposed to be, so it's easier to remember who I am."

Maybe a little different than the way you are working to define yourself but I think it's similar. Good luck and thanks for writing about your journey! I love that MAC lipstick:)

Sarah Lunt said...

I love this Melissa. I'm excited for your journey! Love ya girl!


I'm in tears right now.
I love you.
I admire you.
I wanted to compliment the red lipstick so I'm glad you brought it up.
Thanks for sharing.

Jill said...

You are on the right track- keep going! I love the way Melanie put it. It reminds me of the Max Lucado books. I think we all can relate in some way or another. Kudos to you Melissa! :)

Janene said...

Everything about these posts are simply beautiful. You, your gorgeous style, your pure desires....
Brace yourself, I'd love to give some input regarding another struggle coming your way. PRIDE. Once you indulge and discover that you are beautiful in EVERY way...it will seem nearly impossible to drip with humility. ever. again.
Good luck Gorgeous! ;-)